往事从提偏

                                                     Darling and I 

以前的我，能够吃得胖吃得好，是你保留给我的福气。

现在再回头看，是不是你故意让我增肥，

让我增肥了以后就没有市场了，你就能把我占为己有了 ：）

可能没告诉你，于你白头偕老， 共度晚年，是我梦寐以求的一切。

谢谢你在我的青春路程里度过中一个我最为难忘的伴侣

谢谢你的陪伴，让我年少时享了一段于娇福爱妻共处的世界。

你的存在，把我的世界里填满了爱，让我有一场极为难忘的回忆，

到了如今，实际于现实的差距，你我只剩下曾今。

愚蠢过分的我，到了现在才发现，

你对我的每一个举动也让我感受到你对我的爱希。

我是个不可惜的大笨蛋，你对我所累积的美好，

反而复此在我脑海里，永远的徘徊，复古如今。

美好的回忆，在一个不会在与日俱增的日历里，

留在了我们相爱的从前，留下了你不存在的日子里.

于真爱供行，是无比的开心。

永永远远，最美丽的你我的故事，

缓速的漫步地轮廓于无有。

In my life, I have done a few things I have never thought I could have. 

The sweetest of them, of the chance of meeting you, 

of being able to live a moment of life with you, 

Thank you for allowing me  to share the best moments of my life with you. 

Kat,

you're a truly amazing person.

I know it's a bit cliche, and truly,

the one that I've loved.

and the only one who made me feel like Jack, 

when Rose was all that matters.

Thanks for existing in my life,

All the sorries I have to say to you,

I dont't know if you'd have ever known,

the demons I have to come up against in my life,

I wished I was strong enough to win.

Thank you for ever existing in my life. 

仿佛时光不成经倒流，

我依旧怀念着你，

你给的爱 我有所感触。

可是时光的盗垒，

让我们无法的在一起了，

我许愿在令一世里，

能在遇见你，

我一定做得更好。

Darling,

Youre the true love of my life.

Thank you for every moment we shared together.

 

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生命的意义

生活的意义

也只能在剩余的时间里争取

终有一天

该属于你的我一直都在为我们筹备

就算一个人

我也过得很好

和你的永别

对我只是个有永无别

已经四年了

你都不曾离开我一天

只能认命了

你就这样长住在我心里

感受到却又看不着莫不到

离别的背影

是个恶梦于美梦的交接

在过多少年

也是个美好回忆 

也是个活着的理由

今生所赐

我无法忘怀

谢谢你所留下的美好

百万词也无法形容

我依旧活着

希望来生也有这么美好的一落

grieve

批下了逞强的面孔，也只剩下一声感叹。

独自踏上了一个人的路，

却每一瞬间都有你的影子漂浮，

仿佛你不曾离开过。

我会好好的照顾你，

我会好好的养你。

Darling 除了你还能是谁吗？

Darling 你还听得见吗？

与你在这六年里度过了我们的世界，

写下了我们独一无二的历史。

我真的很抱歉也很责怪自己当初缺乏责任感，

没付尽全职，也没给太多的安全感。

视乎还感受到曾经拥有的甜蜜，

可却滴下的却是种种的刺，

种种的遗憾，

种种的为什么，

不离不弃。

重的，轻微的，依然滴在我身上，

时光无尽的横流，

我无法抵抗这残酷的现实。

我真的感到很愧疚也很抱歉。

到了今天我还是无法原谅自己对你的疏忽和过错。

我怪我自己来不及成熟承担责任。

失去了一直都想与你共有的未来。

也是自己明摆得太晚而失去。

已经经过多过一年半了，

我还是每早起床时都被这个问题给弄醒。

是不是已经梦醒，我们的分离是不是只是一场梦？

我们是不是还在一起？

每个早上就是这么样被残酷的事实弄醒,

反而复始。

Spirituality and Duality

It's not always about you.

It's about being on the same page.

There are common ways we choose to deal with ourselves as a person,

and there are the insane ways.

The insane ways are much harder to accept,

but it may be the only way the other know how.

As long as our souls are still tied to the course we set upon,

we will accept even the most insane ways that work for them.

You may love and not be in love, and be in love and not love.

Love exists in the physical human form, and also in the spiritual form.

The human form receives and perceives stimulation of the physical world in the brain,

such as feelings, attractions, distractions and more.

Like a person on drugs, the same dose will only stimulate you lesser and lesser as time go on.

Feelings can be built on, can be lost, and can be found again.

And two human beings together can connect, disconnect and also reconnect.

Humans have vast capability to adapt and re-adapt.

And as long as you are still spiritually love each other,

you will accept and respect the decisions of your soulmate in the human form.

Despite any tiny distractions in the human forms, my soul is set from the very first day that I met you.

Connection - A simple yet powerful word

Never once have I stumbled across this word. It took me a while to realize how strong this word actually was. Connection is what makes everything possible. Be it an internet connection, relationship connection, business or political connection, it is the most important word that makes those happen.

Everything in the world is about connection. A bad internet connection leaves both parties subscribers and customers to suffer. The same applies for relationship. No matter how perfect one side could be, it’s the connection that speaks the most. Two perfect people could suit each other in many different ways but without the connection, the relationship would not work out. In this case, I call the connection as love. In many cases, couples got together being impressed by the one of the parties. These couples would think that they are in love. I make a very bold move by branding this a relationship instead of love. The connection is not pure and could be artificially created in the mental world. For many who are tolerate, it’s the give and take that makes up a relationship and are satisfied without the element of connection.

I’m lucky to have experienced this twice in my life. And since I’ve experienced it, I would not revert back to a relationship without connection. I think that is the problem that I did not understand for years which explains why I have been single. I am not interested in the pride of being in a relationship. I was searching for a connection.

I hope that such connection would occur to me again but I am willing to accept the worse. After all, it does make me cherish the past moments more and I’m more than glad to have experienced it.

The Synergy of Energy and Law of Attraction

I remember the first time I was handed a book by Shao Nian known as the secret by Rhonda Byrne. I didn’t really read it then until I watched the movie with my parents a year later. It was an interesting movie which helps motivate people to reach the goals that they desire in life. The movie shows live examples of people achieving what they dreamt of by jotting down the goals and think of it religiously. To their astonishment, they actually succeeded in reaching their goals and only realized it when they recovered the goals that they jotted down n years back.

The movie depicted that the goals were as easy to achieve by just thinking of it religiously. Does this really happen in real life? One might argue that the model does work because by thinking of your goals religiously you would be more positive that your goals are actually achievable instead of strong pessimism that your goals are beyond the universe.

After giving myself some time to think of it, I don’t think the model works entirely. Since law of attraction theorizes itself as an energy attracting the physical world to come closer to you, there must be an energy from within (mental) that complements the synergy. And this energy that I have identified is called commitment.

A commitment isn’t something that intensifies and relaxes at any given time. Commitment is the continuous act which builds onto its previous committed act which if stopped at any given time would cause a collapse. Commitment is where a person who would give up anything to pursue their belief even if the world is against it. This person is also normally being known as a psycho.

The law of attraction flaws in a way which it does not offer practical actions to welcome success but is a good tool in opening up a person’s motivational gateway. Combine a psycho’s level of commitment energy, it is hard to deny that the person has a high chance of succeeding. I personally think that law of attraction does exist but we don’t realize it. Moments that we think that we could do it but at the same time doubting our abilities would just end up in failure. Negative energies are always stronger than the positive ones.

Realizing that scientists and businessmen have this combination in common, should I take this chance to experience the life of a psycho?

What is the right question?

Being alive for 11978100 minutes, it has finally caught my mind that I had been missing out on numerous key questions. I’m trying hard to answer those questions but looks like it would only be answered in another 47912400 minutes.

What is life about? This question is almost as cliché as Adidas tagline – Nothing is impossible. I’m not interested in this topic as it offers little practical stance and is a weak motivational tool. So what is the question in my mind now? The possibility of nothing is impossible could be a possible question and we shall come to that shortly.

I have been lucky throughout my life and I have always held the thought that I would be blessed until I sleep tight in my coffin. Am I right to assume that I was assigned by God to this space and time to achieve something hence deserving the blessing or is it all down to the hard work I laid down over the years? I have to admit that I’m currently in the biggest dump since birth. It didn’t happen overnight. It was accumulated in these few recent unproductive years. Let’s take option A, if I do believe that all these are part of God’s guide to life to me, should I be worried of my current situation?

Let’s take option B now. Does effort mean reward? I was looking into the dark sky and wandered at the bright shiny stars. Those stars didn’t feel far from me at all, but to know that the light from it travelled over hundred million years to be witnessed by my naked eyes, it felt truly astonishing. I would like to draw parallels of this scenario with the tagline nothing is impossible to provide the base to take on option B. Surely, for something to take a few hundred million years to travel to its destination is definitely near impossible, or at least, impossible for humans. But the fact is it happened. The impossible could be possible. For us humans, we always have similar taglines to push ourselves to the limits. To achieve the impossible, the power of the human soul is called in and often backed by the tagline – there’s a will, there’s a way. We humans would never doubt our souls, but the will. The soul provides us the energy and power to achieve the impossible, and it relies on the will to unlock the soul’s unlimited potential. The result of will is effort and the result of effort is reward.

The sequence is therefore Soul -> Will-> Effort -> Reward

The equation makes sense? It should, but I no longer believe in it. Laying out possibly the most generous amount of trust, passion and love I could ever offer for the past 7 years, I ended up with a never-attainable imagination. Hurt, learning it the hard way, I stopped believing effort. Instead of achieving my reward, it became my own enemy. The cliff that I piled with my effort, made me fall deeper in the sea of depression.

Now, I happened to be at the crossroad where I was before. Should I give effort a chance to redeem itself or should I follow what my lesson taught me?

Timing

It's the same time of the year again where all those who went to australia to study are returning. But for me this is not exactly the time to party because I still have loads of work to do.

Assignents to be completed by 9th december:
Enterpreneurship & Business Essay 26/11/10
Computer Lab Exam 30/11/10
Computer in Business Project 9/12/10
Econs Essay 10/11/10
Enterpreneurship & Business Project 13/12/10
Computer in Business Project Presentation 13/12/10

Parents are now in Shanghai so I've got a bit more freedom. Very annoying because I could be enjoying this time instead of rushing on my assignments.

Can someone write the essay for me please?

Disgrace

I've decided not to go to overrated restaurants which serve bad foods especially those chain restaurants. I was talking to a friend who worked at Secret Recipe and he said all the food were ready made and when u order it, they just take it out from the fridge and microwave it.

If Gordon Ramsay was a malaysian all these stupid chains would be closed down already. So there isn't going to be Delicious, Secret Recipe, Chillis, TGIF, Madam Kwan for me anymore. Disgrace to the malaysian food industry. I would rather microwave Tesco foods myself than to go to a restaurant just for the people to microwave the food for u and charge u rm20 for it.

Notting to shout about

I'm officially a student at Nottingham Malaysia. Been here for 3 weeks already. Starting first year again studying Finance, Accounting & Management.

My friends here are all from 2nd year. I didnt bother or should I say that I dont intent to make any first years' friends. The no-future lalazais filled my lectures and caught me thinking, shouldnt they be selling pirated dvds? I sit in the back rows most of the time. And every lecture I would start missing the time in warwick and cambridge. Friends who I really appreciate having. I still remember the time at warwick. Everyone starting off with sky-high ego. Conflicts filled the script of the start of my warwick drama. Issues with paul, yumin, samantha, cassie, kahyan, yee eng, nicole, ruizhe... ... But along the way, time sealed the deadlock. It was the grease of our friendships. All of us lowered down our ego and supported each other in the end. And the so-called rootes gang, especially tze xuan, swarna and yumin, are exactly best people to go to when it comes to food.

Now at nottingham, I really dont see the point making friends who only care to talk bout modifying their protons, installing some gozilla-asshole-sized exhaust pipes with their parents' hard earned money to just create some stupid noise that no one actually cares. These people will never drive the car I drive and will never have the money i have. And honestly, to spend 10k-15k modifying a proton to show off crap in front of their gfs, I would rather use the 15k to treat my gf meals for the next 5 years without letting her pay a single cent, if i really love her. So clearly, these people dont love their gfs at all.

UK, I'm coming back to you. Please allow me to love you again.